Thoughts...

Lately I’ve been feeling… down, kind of like not myself in any shape or form.  All summer all I did was podcast and sit on my ass and do nothing else.  I didn’t even go look for a job or anything. I mean I’m 25 still living at home and I don’t have a job. I’m basically what you call a big loser.  I mean I haven’t even done one of these posts in a long time and you see where that got me? I don’t even know where to begin life because I don’t know what life is I guess.

I really think everything started for me the day I dropped out of high school. I couldn’t handle being the lone kid out, I needed to be liked. I still have that thing in me to be liked by others but it’s really hard sometimes to handle.  I know I’m not the most liked guy in the world but I mean cut me some fucking slack people, I’m only human. Anyway over the years, I’ve told myself the reason I dropped out was because I didn’t need it any more. I was going to get my GED, go to college, and become a filmmaker.  Little did I know what the future would hold for me when the laziness took full control of me.  I mean why is it that I do the opposite of everything I want to do in my life? Can anybody answer that for me? I always feel like I’m not in control of anything in my life because I don’t know how to control it at all. What would life be if we could control it though, make everything thing the way we want it. Don’t think it would be much of a life at all. It would be boring and long.

I think I’m done for now with this… I can’t even think straight right now… I just wish that there was something meaningful in my life, something worth fighting for, something worth giving my life up for.